I just love the show Dragons' Den and if ever were to find myself in the Den my invention would be simple: the self-filling toilet paper holder. Finding the holder empty is like Pet Peeve 1248 of mine. I am being silly really, if I found myself in the presence of Peter Jones, or Petah as I call him, the last thing I would talk about is toilet paper.

Now to be honest it has been quite some time since I have found the evidence I present to you above. I have harped and harped and I really thought I got through to the spawn. The rule is really simple: whence you find yourself on the pot and you find the roll empty or you take the last reminants of Charminy goodness - reach to the left, open the cabinet and pull another roll out. Lift metal bar, thread roll onto said bar and close bar. Voila, eh?

But no, I make my pitstop only to find a 3 inch by 3/4 inch strip of t.p. left for me. Honestly, while I might be skinny in the blogging world, in reality, that little strip ain't gonna cut it. 6 or 8 squares ain't gonna cut it - yes, I am a paper hog. I'm sorry about the rain forest and all but isn't Charmin what separates man from the beasts? Yes, there is the theory of the opposable thumbs but apparently with 8 sets of opposable thumbs in the house, no one but me can replace a stinking roll of t.p.

What is there left for me to do? Decapitation is out of the question unless I get a judge who happens to have Charminitis like I do. Harping hasn't worked. Hmmm...I know Dr. Phil would not agree but I am at my wits end here. I have resorted to the reward system. I know, I am a bad, bad mother.

Your eyes are not deceiving you, that is our last blueberry nutri-grain bar sitting on top of the toilet paper in the bathroom cabinet. I've decided that whomever comes to me and asks why it is in there will inherit our vast estate and fortune - as for the rest of 'em: they're out of the will and will probably soon be out of toilet paper too!

~ame