"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. "

With those words a nation was created however, these words were penned by men and I think it is about time for a woman's 21st century update. So without further ado, I present to you Mrs. Ohtobe's inalienable rights:

1. As a 21st century woman cleaning a bathroom is beneath me, I know but I am elitist like that. All bathrooms from here on out will be self-cleaning, especially the potty. If you live with 4 men like I do and if they all are failed firemen, you can see why this right is number 1 in my book.


2. The self-wiping kitchen counter is the second right of the 21st century woman. No matter how many times a counter is wiped it is inevitable that in 20 minutes it will need to wiped again. I say we must make a stand and declare no more wiping of the counters!


3. The self-emptying trash container is our new third right or reicht, take your pick. In our house the trash is always overflowing and when any of the citizens here are asked to take the trash out I always get: "I'll get it later" or "I'll do it in the morning" *gasp* Just a little incinerator in the bottom of the bin would do the trick and the problem would be solved.


4. The fourth right is to wear disposible clothing, ergo no more laundry. No more begging for kids to clean their rooms and pick-up their dirty clothes. Just wear it once and poof the second it hits the floor it vanishes.


5. The fifth right is for teflon coated puppies. So when your prized Bichon takes a dip in the backyard pond by accident or on pupose, all you have to do is paper towel him off.


6. We have almost tackled the sixth right which is self-cleaning ovens. Once I self-clean the oven I do not want to have to wipe the remaining grit out of the bottom of the stove. I think crematoriums have less clean-up than our oven does.


7. Our seventh right is self-weeding gardens. While I love to garden, I hate to weed and no matter what you do those pesky critters always pop back up.


8. Our eighth right is for Star Trek dinners. All you do is talk to the microwave in the kitchen, place your order and voila: dinner is served. No more someone forgetting to take something out for dinner. No more complaints about the spawn don't like this or that. No more effort for me when all I want to do is throw a few cereal boxes on the table and tell them to have at it.


9. The ninth new right involves the floors, vacuuming and sweeping to be exact. If we could equipt the sides of our rooms with a little gap that sucks all the dog hair into I would be in heaven. Same thing goes for dusting, just reverse the a/c and *sucking sound* the house is dusted.


10. Finally we have come to our new 1oth inalienable right for the 21st century woman and it involves honey-do lists. For starters I am tired of being responsible for making the honey-do list. Toby is a highly intelligent man and he is capable of making his own list instead of ignoring the house falling down around him. If I am forced to make a honey-do list then it is now LAW to hop to it and get it all done in one day. I won't mention that we completed our bathroom remodel in November of 2007 and there are still little things that need to be finished.

There you have it. Simple and precise and now law. I can hear women across the land rejoicing, so go forth and spread the word, there's a new sheriff in town and she ain't cleaning a thing! And if you see this chick, send her my way.

~ame

on Saturday, March 07, 2009

Labels: Children, family, Life, Marriage, pet peeves