Sunday, December 13, 2009

Oh My Gawd Y'all

The annual Christmas baking frenzy has begun in the Ohtobe household. The joy. While getting the platters and Christmas baking dishes out I came across my Great-Grandma Snape's cookbook. The book is old and tattered and even missing the front cover so unfortunately I can't even give credit for the delights you are about to behold.

This is a glamorous cream filled torte. Can I cut you a slice? I think what makes this even more appealing than the picture is the little caption from the "Irradiated Evaporated Milk Institute". I hate to steal from Rachael Ray but "Yum-O"!

The cookbook is also so incredibly not politically correct. Like these little gay puddings.

Another Yum-O moment. The cookbook is a big fan of the ring mold and advises 'housewives' to use it in every aspect of your meal: from the meat course down to desserts.

After dinner and your guests have went into a screened room for a ciggie you can get ready for the coffee service.
Entertaining without a maid! "Many women can manage almost any form of entertainment without the help of a maid. For most, however, there are distinct limits to what should be attempted for pleasant and dignified results." Obviously they have never eaten in our house. Pleasant? Dignified?
For more hilarious parties: potluck! Of course you need to do a bit of organizing to keep your guests from acting like the 3 Stooges in your kitchen.

After dinner coffee instructions without children. They should be doing their schoolwork instead. And again with the maids! Who was my Grandmother and why did she have such a need for so many servants?

Again directions for the maid-less home and let's bring back the tea wagon! Most importantly, don't forget to crumb your table.

More gay days! Maybe this was the beginning of the San Fransisco treat? I don't know about you but that honey twist is hardly appetizing. It looks like something left over from a liposuction surgery.
And now on to a few recipes because Lord knows that after roasting a whole hog I have no idea what to do with the head. Thankfully I can make a nice lunch meat for the kids to enjoy.

On a side note here, you may or may not know that I was in the grocery business for over 10 years. I started out working in the deli and I was fully aware of headcheese. My paternal Grandma would serve a 'cold cuts' platter and there is lay next to the bologna. *gag* As I stood on my first day behind the deli counter I was terrified I would have to touch the headcheese let alone slice it up. I figured no one in their right mind would ever order the stuff and that I wouldn't have to deal with it very often. But no. My very first deli customer, my very first order was for a pound of thinly sliced headcheese.

My aversion to the cheese of head and what a misnomer that name is - runs deep. I can't even buy those little clear soaps with the chunks of stuff in them. They remind me too much of headcheese.

Sweet 'n Sour Hearts. How have I survived all these years without this recipe? Interestingly there is a whole section in the cookbook on French cooking. One of the recipes in there is for Oriental Chicken.
Government breeding of reindeer has brought the meat back on the market in modern form! WooHoo! On Dasher and Dancer....
Now I don't get to eat a lot of 'potted' anything and here is the reason why.

What's for supper Mom? Oh honey: Roast Squirrels!

Road kill anyone? Thankfully I have spared you the recipe for turtle soup which went into detail on how to kill the poor turtle. If you really need it though just email me and I will send the recipe to you. After I have alerted PETA.

I love this one. When I read this recipe to Tobey he asked if this was my Gran from Georgia. I had to point out to him that the recipe even says it is named after a county in Virginia. And all these years I thought Brunswick Stew was made with beef.

And finally for all you vegetarians out there don't think this cookbook from 1934 forgot about you:

I hope this little trip down culinary-history road has inspired you. According to the book each meal is to contain ten courses. Ten. Ten! Starting with an appetizer, soup, fish, roast, game, salad, dessert, crackers and cheese with coffee, nuts and raisins and then fruit. Somehow I feel I am letting my family down tonight by serving the one pan, one dinner special: Hamburger Helper!



lovely. just... lovely. lol

And I feel as though brunswick stew is a bit like shepherd's pie. It should be made with the meat available to the cook. However, squirrel is a bit much for me...

Unbelievable, thank God that it is 2009! Thanks for stopping by my blog and checking out the decor!

I always eat like that - everyone in England does, me Hugh Grant, the Queen - everyone...

Hugh? *sigh* I think for Hugh I would eat a squirrel!

Oh my. Reading back through your archives, this one have me an absolute giggle fit! I LOVE bad recipes, almost nothing funnier.

I don't know about the squirrels in your yard, but I don't think any squirrel here would let me give it a bath (wash well) much less submit to the salad oil covering and then sit calmly on a platter for one hour. No, I think I would end up at the emergency room if I even tried.

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