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Blame it on P-Dub
It is all Pioneer Woman's fault today.
Ree is holding one of her popular photography assignments and after a day or so of contemplation - I entered it. Why the day or so of contemplation you ask? Because of the theme. Love.
When I first read that the theme was love, my mind automatically searched my pictures for one that I thought would be fitting and in about a nanosecond I came up with this one:
And when I uploaded that picture this morning to P-Dub's Photography Flickr group I realized that....that was the last picture I took of Mom. The.Last.One. And damn it all but it threw me into a funk the rest of today. And now that I am finally home, I can write this post and cry if I want to. So I am. So there.
I had to check my blog to see if I have ever posted any of these pictures before and I did post one with my brothers and Mom. But these pictures...I love them and hate them all at the same time and I have pretty much viewed them as too personal to blog about. Yeah, I know - for someone to whom nothing is sacred I am sure you are surprised I have been holding out on y'all.
But I have. I love these pictures because it was the first time in ages the entire family was together. I hate these pictures because of the circumstances that finally brought us all together. And I hate how sick Mom looked. Of course at the time I never noticed how frail she had become. While it was a fast progression from healthy to near death - it was something I viewed during the process and looking back now.....I kick myself for not noticing.
And now that I realize all of the above I find myself focusing on those pictures where Mom was so sick. To be honest: those pictures haunt me. Why couldn't I see it then? Why do I see it now? Anywho - - those pictures above may be of my family and my Mom....but that really isn't her. But this one sure is. And this is how I am going to try to remember her for the rest of the day. Damn Pioneer Woman.
~ame
Beautiful. Beautiful pics. Beautiful words. Beautiful Mom.
And yes, that Pioneer Woman knows how to pull on the heart strings, doesn't she?
Joann Mannix said... August 23, 2010 at 10:34 PM
I have photos of Mum that we took in the hospital and at the time Mum just looked like herself. But now looking at them I think, "Oh my goodness" how sick Mum looked.
It is the simplest of things that can send us into a funk isnt it. Love and hugs from me xoxoxoxoxox
Kim (frogpondsrock) said... September 4, 2010 at 3:46 AM
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