Tuesday, December 14, 2010

How to embarrass your children 101

Tonight was Chewie's Winter Choral Concert. And lately I haven't been taking pictures or video taping the boys' performances as I don't get to enjoy them when I am so busy making sure my ISO is at the right setting.

Anyways - we got settled in and the performances started. And I bawled through the whole dang thing. I was really trying to hold it together but I couldn't.

I sat there and thought this is my last Christmas concert until I have grandbabies in school.

I silently did the math in my head: I haven't missed a Christmas concert since Frodo was Papa Bell in his preschool Christmas play 17 years ago.

17 years of watching our children grow up in these little performances.

Which made me miss my Mom.

Which then reminded me that Mom never got to see the boys in high school. She never got to see them perform like she got to see Frodo perform.

Which made me miss her even more.

And that made me cry harder.

Now I hard perused the Choral Programme and I saw who was singing what. I saw that Keegan was singing Christmas Shoes. I know the poem. I know the song. It never really had effected me before.

Until tonight when that boy sang the part of "if Momma meets Jesus tonight".

Then I really lost it.

I was SO proud of myself this holiday season. I got a little choked up putting up Mom's Christmas tree but it was nothing major. I figured this was really going to be the first Christmas since Mom died that I wasn't going to be a blubbering idiot. I was wrong.

I even held it together at the Hallmark store when I overheard someone asking for Christmas birthday cards.

So after the performance Tobey was asking if I was alright and was it because of my Mom etc. And I lost it all over again. I didn't want the boys to see me like this and I sure didn't want to embarrass them. And that is just what I did despite myself.

I went up to hug Nappy and tell him how proud of him I was and I just couldn't contain the tears. Then I spied Keegan and dragged both Chewie and Nappy over to where Keegan was standing. Now poor Keegan doesn't really know me from Adam....

So I tell him that this has been the first Christmas since my Mom died that I haven't been a blubbering idiot. I told him how my Mom was born on Christmas day too. And how his song just meant so much to me for some reason. And he is just apologizing up a storm and I am telling him it isn't his fault and that I was so grateful for the reminder....and then I am apologizing to the boys for looking like a loon.

Chewie kept telling me it was okay and I scored a few hugs and behind my back Nappy was telling Keegan I was crazy. Go figure. It was quite the evening.

Please keep your loved ones close during this holiday season. We have some family friends who recently lost one of their adult children and my brother Matt and sis-in-law Lil Martha are dealing with some rough things as Martha's mother is not doing well. And Tobey's parents aren't doing well... so some prayers wouldn't hurt ifin' you got the time to grab God's ear.



I will pray, Mrs. Oh.

And I am the same way, blubbering over all the firsts and lasts of my girls and missing my dad on every single holiday, no matter how many of them go by. I'm sending Christmas cheer from my heart to yours today.

I have been good this year so far. LOVE to you my friend :)

It is difficult around holidays when you have loved ones missing. I still have my mom, but she is almost 93 and having some difficulties, so each holiday is previous with her.

Prayers for you and all your family.

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