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Who has lost that lovin' feelin'....
In the continuing quest of doctors trying to figure out why at 45 I had two heart attacks - may I present to you the Sleep Study part two. The initial test results showed that I had one little episode of apnea and about 500 episodes of movement disorder but one apnea is all you need apparently.
So I was scheduled for a second appointment with 'C-PaP titration'. Try saying that five times fast.
I can't tell you how excited I was to reenter the hospital for my testing. Being A-type personalities - they were ready for me. I bet the folks that work here get stuck unstringing the Christmas lights at home.
Here is a nice shot of all the goo and spackle they put on me. But it was a painless if not long process of getting me all hooked up.
Here were my three choices of 'masks'. Cripes. I. Am. Old. And the thought of sleeping with something strapped to my face made me feel a little like this:
And about now I am rethinking the whole leopard print jammies. I feel like Pebbles. Soon I am going to feel like Pebbles in an alien face mask.
One thing I can guarantee you is that there are less wires behind our entertainment center than there were hanging from my neck. Do you like my Cyndi Lauper inspired toe nail polish color? Do you notice I am trying to distract you?Okay.
So that's it.
Thanks for reading me.
Aren't you gone yet? Go read June. Really.
Drats - you are still here? Fine. But don't say I didn't give you a chance to run for the hills.....
Here I am all trussed up. I think the red pen marks on my forehead add a little something that my normal make-up regime just doesn't do.
Here I am all trussed up. I think the red pen marks on my forehead add a little something that my normal make-up regime just doesn't do.
And finally: I will never be having sex again. Ever. Ever, ever.
And the worst, worst part of all this horror? The machine is hooked up to a humidifier and the mask retains some of the moisture. So just when you get to sleep. DRIP I get splashed in the face by an ice cold droplet which woke me right up and doesn't that sorta/kinda defeat the purpose of wearing the mask/birth control device?
So the moral of the story boys and girls is don't have a heart attack let alone two heart attacks and if you do make sure there is a reason for your heart attacks. Have you some high blood pressure or high cholesterol because if you don't some doctor is going to try and 'solve' you. Oh - and don't get that sleep apnea stuff because no one will ever look at you with a glint in their eye again. Ever.
Ever, ever again. Did I mention ever?
~ame
Oh honey but you need to know the worst of it-that contraption blows air into you all night long and it makes you VERY gassy. My husband has worn one for years now and can't sleep without it.
HEATHER said... August 4, 2011 at 1:20 AM
Gassy? Wonderful - like I needed help on that front to begin with!!
Mrs. Ohtobe said... August 4, 2011 at 8:12 AM
OMG - You're a CYBORG!
Mom would be so proud :p
Anonymous said... August 4, 2011 at 9:04 AM
Thanks! ;P
Mrs. Ohtobe said... August 4, 2011 at 9:22 AM
Mrs. Oh, Mrs. Oh,
I was tortured with sleep apnea due to a jaw deformity. I had to have surgery to bring my jaw forward. I went through all the sleep studies and the CPAP hoopla.
No one mentioned the jaw. I just kinda stumbled on to it. It was a miserable experience but now that it's done OH GOOD GERTIE life is good. Email me if you want the deets. Ain't I hip with the deets?
Skubala@att.net
MissPam said... August 4, 2011 at 12:04 PM
*Mask/birth control device*
That made me laugh. Wonder why your picture wearing the mask brought these lyrics to mind? Who's that lady, sexy lady, beautiful lady, real fine lady? See? Even cyborgs can be beautiful...and, apparently, gassy.
Sadie
Anonymous said... August 5, 2011 at 9:45 AM
Ahahahaha. your hilarious! I laughed so hard, "I will never ever have sex agian. ever, ever, ever" Loved that!
Sundrop said... August 7, 2011 at 12:15 AM
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