Showing posts with label Shopping. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Shopping. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Mrs. Oh versus the Dishwasher



Friends - what the heck is up with me and appliances? It is like our house is the Appliance Bermuda Triangle.

Last February we bought a new dishwasher from hhGregg and I was so thrilled that we got a nice new stainless steel dishwasher to match our fridge.


Two months later? The wheels on the bottom basket kept falling off. The drawer slidey things on the top basket broke. And we had several service calls and UPS deliveries to get the thing fixed.



After Christmas we were getting an error message on the control panel and we called Samsung because the darn washer was under warranty. I was very happy that they sent out a service tech the very next day - which was a Saturday. Unheard of.



So Doogie Howser shows up and takes a look around. Gives us some cleaner tablets and said that should fix it and if not call them back. Oh it fixed it for a load or two and then the error message popped back up.



We called again - this time on a Monday with a service date of Wednesday. Wednesday arrived and around 4 p.m. the service company called and said they weren't coming out. They were ordering us a pump. And a motherboard. Now why couldn't they do that on the Monday we called in the first place?



The service folks said we would get the parts in one day. It took over a week. When the parts were to arrive we were to call and have them set up yet another service date. I wasn't all that sweet when the parts arrived and they came out the next day.



Doogie didn't come this time. His granddad did. I don't know why I like older repairmen versus younger ones but I do. The whole allure of with age comes wisdom thing I think. So Father Time works on the dishwasher and replaced the pump and motherboard. Guess what. It still didn't work and now it has a leak. He said he was going to order more parts.....



I promptly called Samsung and told them not to bother. After my last call I put them on notice that there weren't going to be any more repairs - there was going to be a replacement and hhGregg agreed.



That was last Friday and we have been dishwasherless since the beginning of the month. Yesterday Tobey and I headed over to hhGregg to get our exchange. Now the district manager called and told Tobey they would be out on Saturday with a replacement. To which I promptly called them back and said there was no way I was going to have another Samsung dishwasher in my house.



Now we bought the original in an open box special for $490. Plus $119 for delivery and installation and $119 for a 5 year warranty. When we get to hhGregg they tell us we have a $611 credit. Er. No. I should have a $780 as my receipt shows that is the total we paid last year.



Well. The same dishwasher is now on sale for $812. Maybe we should have just let them do an even swap! But again - there was no way I was going to go with another Samsung. Mp3 player sure. Dishwasher. Not so much.

So I picked out a nice little dishwasher. But it was a under the counter mount type and with our granite countertops it wouldn't work. We had to upgrade to a professional model which was side mountable. But it was about $150 over our credited amount.



And guess what friends? Go on.

The manager did an even swap. So we got a better deal, free delivery since we already paid for it on the other machine and another 5 year extended warranty. The folks at hhGregg really took care of us and went above and beyond the call of duty.



And in 7 - 10 days our new special order dishwasher will be here. And for once when it comes to customer service I couldn't be happier.


~ame

on Wednesday, February 01, 2012 3 comments

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Friday, May 21, 2010

Grumbles @ Wal-Mart

I have a secret....

I really hate my house. Ok. Not really - but sorta/kinda. There are things that are in our house that I really don't like. For example: Mom's ginormous sectional that is 10 feet too big for our living room. But I suppose that is what we get for buying a really nice living room set (with a warranty) from a company that went on to file bankruptcy. So when we had an issue with the couch springs sprunging we were left out in the cold. Ergo: Mom's couch is now in our living room. And while I love it due to how comfie it is - it simply is too big for our tiny house.

But that really isn't my main issue. My main issue is our former porch/office/kids bedroom. Years ago when we made the porch into Tobey's office I was enamored. I totally love that room. Still do - it overlooks the backyard what with the ponds and plants and stuff. I love that room so much that I refuse to let the kids paint it because I know some day it will be an office again and not a bedroom for one of the kiddos.

So what is the problem? The problem is the 'doors' going into the bedroom/office/porch room. First we just hung curtains but that didn't work too long. We then added bi-fold closet doors. And man-o-man they are all shades of ugly. So I want a nice curtain to cover up the ug.

The other day I went curtain shopping. I stopped at Ross. No luck. Le Target. Nope. Bed, Bath and Beyond? Even with a coupon I couldn't find anything. So I went to Wal-Mart. It was like the heavens opened up folks. I found the perfect set. The perfect color. I was in billowy curtain-like euphoria. There was one little problem though. The curtain that they had on display was no where to be found on the sales racks or pegs to be exact. Heck, there wasn't even a peg for that specific color of curtain. And since this is Wal-Mart: there was no one around to ask for help.

So I left and went to the Wal-Mart on the other side of town. Do you think they would have the same item? Nope. To say I was frustrated beyond belief would be an understatement. But not to be discouraged I thought I would be able to order the curtains on line. Right?

Wrong.

I searched their site and could only find the valance. Now what good would that do me to cover up the ugly I have going down in the kitchen doorway? So I googled the curtains and found a link to the Wal-Mart site for the reviews of said curtains. Reviews yes. Ability to purchase? Nope. No to be deterred I sent Wal-Mart.com an email. I explained the situation and I received a response stating that not all stores carry the same merchandise (duh) and that the web site didn't carry all the items that the stores carried too.

They then recommended that I check back with the site every 24-48 hours to see if the product became available. Sure, because I have no life - I can do that. Not. Tonight I went back to the original store and asked to speak to someone in the curtain department. Of course that person had already left for the day but it was suggested I take the sample and a package of the curtains in the wrong color to customer service to have them find the UPC. With the UPC they could then pull it up in their computer and see if it is available in a nearby store.

So I did that and the folks at the customer service desk thought I was insane and informed me that they couldn't do any of what their sales associate suggested. They said I could pick a store and they could call and see if the curtains were available. Yeah well, I can do that myself and since the line was growing longer behind me - I decided to leave.

When I got home I called most of the nearby stores. No one has these curtains. And even one of the phone numbers listed on the Wal-Mart.com site was wrong. That is the store that probably has the curtains.

I really dislike Wal-Mart. And they wonder why their sales are dropping...

~ame

on Friday, May 21, 2010 3 comments

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Monday, May 17, 2010

I ♥ Publix


I just learned about this wonderful web site called I ♥ Publix. In a nutshell they do all the coupon work for you! Simply click on their this week's ad link and they show you if there is an available online coupon to match the already great BOGO deal.

One other thing to keep in mind while Publix shopping is that they accept competitor's coupons. So if Albertson's is running their $5 off coupon on a $50 purchase: you can use it at Publix. The only thing to you need to watch for is using multiple coupons. If you have one $5 off coupon from Albertson's and one from Sav-A-Lot, Publix will require you to spend the total of both coupon restrictions combined. Two $5 off coupons on a $50 purchase would require you to spend $100.

To help get you started you can join the Sav-A-Lot smart shopper club (free) and instantly get a $5 off coupon on a $25 purchase which you can use at Sav-A-Lot or take it to Publix and use it when you do your BOGO shopping!

Happy savings!

~ame

on Monday, May 17, 2010 0 comments

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Tuesday, October 20, 2009

It. Finally. Happened.

Tonight Tobey and I headed down to the Panera for a coffee and I stopped off at Ross while Tobey stopped in GameStop. I picked up a few more Halloweenie decorations and when we checked out the gal asked us Tobey if we he was a member of their Tuesday Club. We told her 'no' and continue to check out.

When we got to the exit door, there it was: The Tuesday Club banner. The banner proclaimed that if you are over 55 years old, you could be a member of the club and get 10% of your purchase on Tuesdays. And that gal who checked us out, who I have socks older than she is, thought Tobey was over 55.

Some things just make you snort laugh and this was one of them.

~ame

on Tuesday, October 20, 2009 0 comments

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Saturday, September 26, 2009

Pete & The Ballerina

The other night Tobey and I went down to the Pet's Mart to pick up a new lead for Daisy. I wonder if going 'down to the' store is a Southern-type of saying. It seems I rarely go to Pet's Mart but I often do find myself going down to the Pet's Mart or down to the Wal-Mart or down to the Panera. Any who - we are there and I saw a couple who also brought their couple of dogs into the store.

Now these folks you would recognize any where. They were just those kind of people. You know the kind, they looked like Star Trek fans or folks that visit Renaissance Fairs. They just had that look about them. I think it was something to do with their eyes. Now you may be thinking to yourself: doesn't Mrs. Oh like the Star Trek and didn't she write about her trek to the Ren Fair in Tampa? Why yes I did and do but the major difference between me and those people at the Pet's Mart was they look like they dressed for the occasion....in costume! You know the type. Kinda like Frodo....but I digress to a completely different kind of story.

So Tobey and I are looking for a new lead and they walk by with their dogs. One of their dogs was a doberman pincher in a pink ballerina's tutu with matching shoes. Not the woman we saw. The dog. The doberman. In a tutu. A pink tutu. With shoes. It was the funniest thing I have ever seen and yet I was secretly jealous because no one in this house would allow me to dress up our pups like that let alone take them out in public in said garb.

We picked out our lead and headed up to the checkouts where the tutu couple was also checking out. And in walked Pete with his owner. Pete was a ginormous black lab about the size of a Winnebago. Pete locked eyes with the tutu dog and it must have been love at first sight. That or Pete really had a thing for the Arts. This is what I heard next:

"Pete. Pete! Don't you go sniffing up that dog's skirt!"

Only at the Pet's Mart my friends. Only at the Pet's Mart.

~ame

on Saturday, September 26, 2009 0 comments

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Friday, July 17, 2009

Coach: The Seussical

I sat there with Tobey
We sat there us two
And I said, “How I wish
There was something to do.”

So off to the Sam’s
He went for a cut
And I gave him a coupon
Just to save a buck

Bored and alone
Left to my own devices
I went to the Steinmart
For I was in crisis.

The week had been horrid
so much had gone wrong
I needed some therapy
It had to be strong

Shopping was called for
since Freud was long dead
I was armed with my credit card
and I crawled out of bed.

Oh, the sales
That they had
There were sales galore
For you see
They are having to close
That old store.

There was nothing I needed
nor anything I wanted
But things were on clearance
So I scoured the store

I walked the whole floor plan
Looked at this
Looked at that
And then I spied her
On a rack near the hats

I saw the price tag
And was taken aback
Then noticed did I
The additional 30% off
On the top of the rack

I snatched that purse up
And held her close to my heart
As I dialed my true love
For cunning I art

I told him my find
And that he should be so proud
That I put her back down
And I walked around

I told him the deal
And how I wasn't even tempted
I clutched that purse tighter
And silently prayed to my Jesus.
Then he exclaimed
his obvious pride in my ability
to just walk away.

I advised my true love
Those weren’t quite the words
I was longing to hear
and was not why
I had made the call
For I wanted him to squeal,
“Grab that thing up
What a bargain
What a steal
Don't you know how much Coach goes for
down at the mall?”

And being so true
He did just that
He said if I wanted it to
Snatch it up fast.

I clutched her tighter
As I hung up the phone
And giggled all the way up
To the front of the store

And as I checked out
From behind me I heard
“Is that a Coach bag?”
“Why yes!”
I answered, as I cackled with glee
For it was the only one
In the entire store you see.

My purchase was rung
At the regular price
And then the 30% off
Was discounted, nice!

And as we get to the end
Of our story
There is more
So much more

An additional 25% off
All accessories in the store!



"True love does come in turquoise!"

~ame


Back to school tax FREE weekend at Thirty One! Valid July 17th, 18th, 19th. Visit Ami's page for more details.

on Friday, July 17, 2009 3 comments

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Friday, June 19, 2009

An Always Fashionable Mrs. Oh


Tobey and I have a wedding to attend on Saturday. I am very excited to be going to an adult function where 1. ketchup will not be on the menu as a serving of vegetable and 2. if I feel like discussing the Iran election issues, odds are some of the geeky IT folks Tobey works with will actually know what I am talking about.


Now I don't know about you but when an occasion arises for me to dress up, I am a bit Nancy Reagan in the sense that I don't like to wear the same thing twice. I know, but I am a diva that way. Besides, it gives me an excuse to buy a new dress.


Without nary a spawn in sight, I snuck out of the house in search of the perfect wedding attendee frock. I stopped by the store where I purchased my black and white floral dress that I wore on my birthday. Thanks to the Old Navy commercials and trend setting, all they had were those hideous t-shirt material, tie-dyed, long caftan cruise dresses. Since I am not wanting to throw down the Mrs. Roper look I kept shopping.


I went to the mall and swung over to Torrid, the Hot Topic for fluffy gals. Nothing. Or at least nothing I could wear to a wedding, pole dancing sure, wedding, not so much. Not to be dissuaded I went into J.C Penney's.


I headed straight to the women's department only, it wasn't there. Where the heck did it go? The petite section was in it's place. So I walked the entire 2nd floor searching for something bigger than a size 2. Nothing.


Of course J.C. Penney has followed the Wal-Mart rule of customer service meaning I couldn't find a dang person to help me to save my life. Finally I found a gal. This was our conversation:


Mrs. Oh: Excuse me but *pointing to the now Petite section* am I in the twilight zone?

Clerk:

Mrs. Oh: Where did the fat girl clothes go?

Clerk: Yanno, you are the third person to ask that question.

Mrs. Oh: *thinking to myself: duh* I have walked the entire floor and can't find the women's department any where.

Clerk: I don't know why, but they moved it, downstairs, next to lingerie.

Mrs. Oh: Ah, ok. Yanno, as a fluffy gal, it kinda is a slap in the face to come to my department where I have shopped for years to find it replaced with skinny, short chick clothing.

Clerk:

Mrs. Oh: Okey doke, thanks!

It would be like going to Dunkin' Donuts and finding a Jenny Craig in it's spot. Not that I go to Dunkin' any more. I can't. And you have no idea how much I heart the Dunkin'.
Any who...

So I made my way to the dungeon on the first floor where they literally stuffed the fluffy clothes in tiny space next to lingerie. I don't know if they have a new department manager but it was terrible. All the clothing on display was stuff my Mother would have had the good sense not to wear and all the racks were so packed, I couldn't slide the clothes on them to look at them.





I gave up.





Then as fashion fate would have it, I strolled past a clearance rack. And there she was. Waiting for me. The dress. You know the one I am talking about: the Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman dress. The classic brown polky dotty dress, the w00t, w00t dress. On clearance. Plus an additional 20% off. I snagged that bad boy up so fast for a whopping $27 and almost forgave Penney's for relegating us fat girls to the basement corner. But not quite.

Tomorrow I am going to look for the matching hat and gloves. Sing it with me now: "Ohhhhh ohhhh, pretty woman!"

~ame

Postscript
Just to keep it real and to keep me honest, I am going to post a daily blood sugar level. This morning's fasting BS was 164. Not good I know, but it is going down and much better than the 314 it was a few weeks ago. Did I mention I heart Dunkin'?

on Friday, June 19, 2009 3 comments

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Saturday, June 13, 2009

It's all about the Edge...


Tobey and I went out to dinner the other night at Chili's and used my birthday gift card from Simba. And yes, I had an unsweetened iced tea to drink. Yuk. We then went to Kohl's so I could use my gift card from Tobey. I heart Kohl's big time. I saw this bracelet and fell in love with it. Tobey said it looked a little too biker chick for me. I agreed and put it down and walked away. Then I thought, nope, I love it, I'm getting it. How many times do we put something back and go back later on to find it and it is gone. I didn't want that to happen to this baby.

We then met up with Simba, Barbie, Buttercup and Chelsea at Panera. I had a nice cup of Joe and no cookies or bagels. I showed the girls my new bracelet and told them what Tobey had said. Buttercup agreed that the bracelet was edgy. At my age I said I couldn't pull off edgy any more. I could though be just Edge.

What is just Edge? Edge is when you are past your prime and no one won't mistake you for a soccer Mom. Edge is when you think you still have it but reality tells you otherwise. Edge is going to the Clay Walker concert and finding that in the end he didn't kidnap you and whisk you away from your banal real life. Edge is having your daughters point out that your boobs sag to your bellybutton. Edge. I am Edge. Feel free to use the term, spread the word, it just might go viral. Or not.


Anywho.


We are planning a very lazy weekend. I am going to cook Tobey Chicken Tikka Masala on Father's Day and we are going to Honeymoon Island to do a "All Tobey" photo shoot at the beach. While at Kohl's I made him buy his Father's Day present from me: a white linen shirt and cream colored linen pants. I love a man in linen.

Finally, I mentioned Chelsea above and I wanted to do a more formal introduction. Chelsea and Simba have been friends since middle school and are pretty much inseparable. Chelsea attends Tampa's International Academy of Design and Technology majoring in photography. She has graciously agreed to post a monthly piece here giving out tips and advice on how to improve your photography and Photo Shop skills. As soon as her finals are over we will have a button on the left hand side of the blog with a link to her portfolio. She is a very talented young woman and I look forward to her joining our little bloggy family.


~ame

on Saturday, June 13, 2009 2 comments

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Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Ikea: The Review & Other Ramblings



On Saturday we drove the 45 minutes to Ybor City to visit the brand new and much touted Ikea store that opened the first week of May. I read a few online reviews of the new store that described the parking situation, or lack there of. I was scared. We arrived at the store only to be greeted at every entrance by police cars and workers directing us away from the parking lots and around the Ikea building. We traveled completely around the building where they had one entrance open. The parking lot resembled Raymond James Stadium on Superbowl Sunday, it was packed. Disney's parking lots are less packed. Wal-Mart on Black Friday: less packed.



We get inside the store and it really is marketing genuis. The store has two floors and since we were hungry we stopped at their 'restaurant' first. It too was packed. Since I had heard so much about their meatballs, both Tobey and I ordered them and Simba had the chicken fingers. We all ordered their apple pie with vanilla sauce, which was devine. The meatballs, not so much. I expected so much more, but they were very bland. For the money, if you are going to buy frozen meatballs, stick with Armour.



We looked around the store with 3,000 of our closest friends complete with shopping carts and strollers galore. One lady cut in front of me and then proceeded to talk trash about me not being used to crowds. I didn't think she was talking about me or you know me, I would have said something back to her. For the record, there are currently 8 humans, 1 cat and 3 dogs stuffed living in our spacious 1,400 square foot house. I know crowded Lady!


The prices at Ikea were incredibly low. I purchased 3 new cutting boards for less than $10. I also picked up a nice wooden lazy susan for $8 and 10 glass ice cream bowls for a dollar each. They have sample rooms set up and a price tag at the door stating how much you can buy the entire room for, furniture and accessories included. For the design challenged it is a great concept. Personally, I found the majority of the furniture to modern for my tastes.


When we checked out we picked up a couple of packages of their cinnamon rolls. Again, I had heard and read good things about their rolls. Tobey and the boys said my rolls were much better. I thought Tobey was just being kind but when the boys agreed I felt wonderful. Even if my cinnamon rolls aren't really mine, they belong to Ree over at The Pioneer Woman. If you want my, er her, recipe for Just To Die For Cinnamon Rolls, click here. I have made her, er my, rolls with the maple frosting and plain frosting and either way, you can't go wrong.


Opps, I got distracted by the rolls, anywho. The store is designed like a maze. There are a few, what they call 'shortcuts' but in essence you have to walk the entire store to get from the beginning to the end. Think Chutes and Ladders and you get the idea. Again, couple that with 12,000 of your closest friends. What I did find interesting were their shopping carts. The wheels on their carts must also have the Swedish design flair as all of the wheels turned 360 degrees. Add that to their slick polished concrete floors and it was like ice skating with a shopping cart and 18,000 of your closest friends, kinda like Bambi on Ice, but much less graceful.






Despite all of the pitfalls of the new Ikea I would go back. Without Tobey and 12 million of our closest friends. When I could spend an entire day just leisurely looking around. If you go be sure to bring your own shopping bags as Ikea doesn't supply bags for checking out, kinda like Sam's Club. They do sell a .59 cent shopping bag that I thought was a good price point and I am sure I will use it over and over. I actually have it in the back of the Shrekmobile now to tote groceries into the house. For the environmently conscience, Ikea is donating proceeds from the Blue Bag sales to American Forests, which is always a nice thing.

on Tuesday, May 26, 2009 4 comments

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Sunday, May 24, 2009

Select Comfort, Sleep Number Bed: Round 3, TKO



All righty y'all, I am 'P' to the 'O'd here and you will have to forgive me going all southern on ya but those that know me well will attest to me throwing some southern down when I get angry.

You may recall my post on our Sleep Number bed debacle. And I also made an update here saying how we got an acceptance letter urging us to call and activate our account and get our new bed. We never called and never gave it a second thought.

This past Tuesday night we get a call from Sleep Number. Tobey asks if I wanted to answer it, erm nope. Tobey answered and it was the store manager calling to say they are now offering 36 months of interest free financing which would reduce the original payment by half. He was certain that now there would not be an issue getting the bed of our dreams. But the payment price was never an issue.



Tobey and I discussed the situation. We pulled up our credit at freecreditreport.com (I dare ya not to be humming that song now, gotta love Eric Violette!) Credit rating looks good, the high end of the good rating, not excellent, but who is these days? I wanted to bring the acceptance letter but I couldn't find it but we headed out to the mall anyways.

We talked with the manager, filled out the paperwork and waited. The manager was extremely nice and said that us not being accepted really made him mad and he couldn't understand what the problem was. We have lived in the same house 20+ years, Tobey has worked for the same company for 15 years and we make X amount of money. No problemo. We explained to him that we got a denial letter (finally) in the mail and then an acceptance letter. He was confident everything would go through this time. Me, not so much.

I explained to him how I trashed blogged about our first experience in his store and how some markteting company visited this blog searching out all the nay-sayers of the Sleep Number. I told him Select Comfort should pay better attention to customer service than spending money employing a company to surf the web for malcontents like me.

He then faxes over the paperwork and it gets returned because he didn't include some information. The mall is now closing. He refaxes. The denial comes back 10 minutes later. He calls GE Money Bank and argues with the representative about the denial and even spoke with a supervisor.

As we are leaving he mentions that the 'other' credit went through and is still in their system. The one with the uber-high interest rate. Um yeah, not interested. I still maintain it is a bait and switch tactic.

When we get home I look through my paperwork and find the acceptance letter. It is from the 'other' company. I called them and they were closed. But get this, their phone schpiel starts with "you have reached HC Processing Center if you received a letter saying your credit has been revoked due to the economic situation we are currently in, press 1; all other callers press 2."

Huh, what the heck? What business would actually say that? What business would actually do that?

Now I am sure the company that Select Comfort employs to scour the 'net looking for folks talking smack about them, will be back as they have been here twice before. *Waves hello* If it isn't too much trouble can you let Select Comfort, Sleep Number and, what the heck, even Lindsay Wagner know that I think they all (for lack of a better word) suck. Please stop sending us letters and stop sending us advertisements too because it is very obvious you do not want or need our money.

I do have half a mind to submit a bill to Select Comfort for the time, effort and gas money wasted by Tobey and I. Instead I thought I would just add some links that will take you to websites filled with complaints about GE Money Bank and Sleep Number.

Complaints Board on interest scam with GE Money Bank and Select Comfort.

Consumer Affairs complaints on Select Comfort.

Ripoff Report on GE Money Bank.

My 3 Cents on GE Money Bank complaints.

Bad Credit Cards.org on GE complaints.

Take that Select Comfort! Power to the People!


~ame

on Sunday, May 24, 2009 2 comments

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Monday, April 27, 2009

Oh the things you will see...


Well I think the Thiry-One party was a success Friday night. The margaritas were flowing and I think Ami has never hosted a party like the one we threw. The antics started the night before:

I purchased the Margarita in a Bucket kit a.k.a. Tequilla on the Floor kit. I poured the Cuervo into the spouted bucket and then added the mix. I then noticed the stream of margarita mix pouring out of the spout. On to the table. Down to the chairs. Then onto the floor. Where the puppy Daisy sat. Lapping up the drink mix raining from the heaven's upon her. I don't think I ever moved so fast, the view of $15 of Cuervo being wasted on a puppy's palate was too much for me. So folks if you buy the Margarita in the Bucket kit: check the spout and make sure it isn't broken. Also don't expect Publix to reimburse you for the loss of said tequilla but they will replace the bucket.

My friend and Mary Kay consultant Letha came to the party and who knew that Letha would put a shout out for her upcoming party. She said it was a 'Pleasure' party and sweet Ami thought it was a party where they sold bath salts and aroma therapy items. Well I had never heard of such a party, the pleasure parties I heard of all involved edible panties and batteries, D-cells at that. And I said as much. Come to find out, it is that kind of party and Letha passed around a business card regarding the Pleasure Party. She drummed up a lot of interest for upcoming party and everyone spent the evening laughing and contemplating um bath salts purses.

The evening culminated in a incident that really can not be explained without a picture. But I must warn you, it is not for the faint of heart....


That is strawberry margarita mix in the food processor. I promise although it may look like the food processor is bleeding, that no food processors were harmed in the making of this blog but margarita mix went everywhere, including the dog dish. I think the dogs drank more margaritas than my guests did. Anywho - it was my bright idea to make the virgin margaritas in the food processor because I was too lazy to dig out the blender.

Big mistake as you can see. If you think, like I did, that a food processor is nothing more than a big blender, you would be wrong. Because once the liquid starts spinning in the processor, it rises. Rises faster than my blood pressure when dealing with Boo Radley. But I did learn a valuable lesson: store the blender in a more accessible spot in the kitchen.

So everyone had a good time, some more than the others and the puppies were happy, which was my goal from the get-go. Letha enjoyed sometime in the backyard on the swing, listening to the fountains fount and listening to Butter tell her all about the wedding.

Barbie has ideas aplenty for the next party. I told her I need a few years to recoop from this party and so do the puppies.

~ame

on Monday, April 27, 2009 3 comments

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Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Fishing for a Sleep Number bed

Tobey and I sleep on a king-size Serta pillow-top mattress we bought just a few years ago. This is the fourth bed we have owned in the ten years we have been together and it just isn't working out too well. We decided this morning to go to the mall and finally get the Cadillac of all beds: the Sleep Number Bed. By the way, I think I am a 40, so there Lindsay Wagner.

A few months back we took the Sleep Number tour de force at Countryside Mall. We tried every bed, looked at the pluses and minuses of each and weighed the price tag. So today we attempted to bite the bullet, so to speak.

We went back in the Sleep Number store and of course they rearranged everything and had new models now and we had to start from scratch on which model we wanted. I wanted the souped-up Pinto model, el cheapo, but we picked out the midline Toyota Camry one at $3600. We avoided the Ferari model at close to $5,000, which did not include the box springs or bed frame. They also had a special going on that we could either get $300 off of our purchase or get 24 months of interest free financing.

Initially, we had planned on just buying the bed from our savings but since they offered the free financing we figured what the heck and decided to go that route. Tobey gives the salesperson all of the information and we wait to get our approval and find out when the bed will arrive. At that point the salesperson tell us we had been declined. Declined? Declined. The salesman reviewed the credit information and scores and said he had no idea why were declined. He called someone at the finance company that apparently was clueless as well. So there we sit on the foot of a Sleep Number bed: declined.

After the inital shock wore off I said: Excuse me, but that is not even possible. We have never been declined for anything. We just got approved to buy a second home as an investment property and your are telling me we can't finance a bed? There must be some mistake and oh was there. In my opinion it is called Bait and Switch.

Then the salesman tells us that they have two ways to finance: the 24 month, advertised free interest plan or the 3 month free interest plan(which goes to 22% after 3 months and is a 5 year plan). We qualify for the latter. I said that something was fishy in all of this because we can go to any car lot and without a dime, drive off in a new car of our choice, we can finance a house but again: we can't finance a bed? Something just isn't right here. The salesman says that with the economy being what it is they are finding it harder to get people approved and besides, cars are the easiest things to get financing for. Really? Really. What about houses then? Isn't the housing crisis the cause of the 'economy being what it is' and again we can buy a house and land but no bed. Something is fishy.

At this point I had to leave the store before I made a scene. The salesman wanted to ask the other salesman if there was anything else they could do to help us and Tobey stayed behind to discuss it further with them. They had a few suggestions: buy it outright, put it on a credit card or finance at the higher rate, which they pointed out was the same as the rate JC Penney and Sears charge their customers. No wonder we don't have credit cards with them I thought.

In the end we left empty handed and feeling a bit brow-beaten and abused by the Sleep Number Bait and Switch tactics that they were using. To makes things worse, a few weeks ago we received a flyer in the mail advertising Sleep Number beds at reduced prices some place else, actually about 1/3 of the price we were quoted today. But I threw the flyer away and boy, I am really wishing I hadn't done that. As it stands, if they call back and said they made a mistake in the financing, I really don't think I would go in to make the purchase. I am just not all the jazzed by a company that is taking advantage of the economic crisis to deny credit to folks who have good credit simply so they can make even more money by offering a higher percentage rate and a longer pay off time.

**Postscript: I just googled the bank that does their financing and surprise, surprise, it is the same bank that finances JC Penney, Lowes, Wal-Mart Discover, Dillards and Home Depot. I am actually glad now we didn't go through with the financing as there is a list of complaints a mile long about this company on the Consumer Affairs web site.

~ame

on Wednesday, April 01, 2009 6 comments

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Friday, March 20, 2009

Guess what?

I got pretty twerked today. I know, that is not a newsflash or anything.

One of the worst things about living in Clearwater is the driving or more to the point: the idiot bad drivers. There seems to be tons of them everywhere, heck, a lot of them live in this house. Actually, if you were to quantify drivers, we have a 3 to 2 bad driver ratio in our house. Not me of course, I have 'good driver' stamped across my license. Tobey also has the stamp on his license but it was more out of pity from the DMV than his good driving skills, so I included him in the 3 part of the ratio. No really, it is ok, he doesn't read this blog anyway.

I was at Publix again, funny how so many things happen at the Publix. I don't know about your Publix but ours has stop signs so shoppers can cross safely into and out of the store. As I am pulling into the parking lot a SUV ran the stop sign, swerved around an elderly and obviously infirmed older lady, and parked. The older lady pushed her cart to her car and I ended up parking next to her. I also chatted with her and helped her load her groceries in her car. I just figured if it were my Mom, I would hope someone would have helped her out too.


Back to the SUV driver, who had a handicapped parking sticker and surprisingly enough didn't park in a handi-spot. As I was checking out, I saw her at the customer service desk. She asked for the manager's schedule. She was a manager at the store. And she treated one of her customers so poorly. I would have thought being a manager she should have shown more concern. She shouldn't have ran the stop sign. She should have walked three spaces over and assisted the customer. I couldn't believe it.


After I had put my groceries in the back of the Shrekmobile another SUV-driving soccer mom ran the same stop sign, swerved around another old lady, ran the next stop sign and went on her merry way. She actually used the entire parking lot as a cut through because it was rush hour and traffic was bad.

What are people thinking? I remember reading a few years ago that Clearwater was one of the worst places in the county for pedestrian accidents and after a little research tonight I found out that Tehran is one of the safest. Really. Tehran. What does that say about us and our self-important, indulgent ways? For me at least, I am going to try and do better.



And this week's Mommilie goes again to Barbie who thinks that white collar crime is "done by white people because they have money."

So blue collar crime would be committed by.....





~ame

on Friday, March 20, 2009 4 comments

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Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Ren Fest 2009


This past weekend we braved the crowds and headed to Tampa for the Bay Area's Rennaissance Festival. While I love the festival, I think some of these people take geekery to a whole new level. I equate it with going to Disney, you may love Mickey Mouse but you don't dress like him to attend.

Ticket prices aren't too bad at $16.95 but when you multiply that by seven, ouch. You can purchase tickets online, at Walgreen's or Sweetbay for a $3 discount. And be prepared to pay $2 for a bottle of water, $3.50 for a soda and $4 for a beer. There were more beer and wine tents than soda tents but you can also bring in your own drinks.

Before we get started here let me set the tone of as a Mom, I was right yet again. Are you seeing a theme in my posts of my need to be proven right time and time again? I think I might have issues...but now that I think about it... no I don't. Simba proceed to laugh and 'mock' me for wearing tenny boppers with my outfit to Ren Fest which apparently is the height of fashion necessity. Now I have been to Ren Fest a few times and I know what to expect. Simba not so much as she has only been bussed in by the school to sing a few songs and leave. Once again, I have experience on my side. As you can see by the below picture, I am so sorry I didn't wear flip-flops as she suggested several times and then laughed at my tennis shoes when I refused. If only I would have listened to her...




There are tons of things to do at Ren Fest including shop, eat, be entertained and play games. The shops at the festival are amazing. They have everything you could ever imagine in the Renny Realm from leather shops, ren apparel, to knick knacks etc. If you are looking for skull staffs, and who isn't these days, this is the place to shop. Frodo even purchased a staff or walking stick, I am not sure exactly how it was marketed. It was a 6 foot dowel rod that he paid $25 for. He claims it is wax wood, but I swear I saw the same things at Lowe's last time we were there. I'm sure it will get left in his room and forgotten and then next time I need to hang a curtain...but I am digressing.

Tobey and I didn't eat at the festival and I am not sure if or what the kids consummed. Chewie is big into the turkey legs, so I am sure he had at least one. We did have to purchase our favorite kettle korn for $5 a medium size bag, but when it comes to kettle korn, price is not an option. I am even munching the left overs as I write this. Yummy.

The entertainment is a little hit or miss. There are really great acts, a nod to Johnny Phoenix and some not so great. If you are interested you can catch Johnny's act on YouTube, just search for his name. We watched a few singers and a fire juggler but Johnny was the best, as he was the last time we went to the festival. We sat in on Cristophe the Insultor's pre-show spiel. But we left when he said his insults begin at $10 and go up from there. Why would I pay anyone to insult someone when I can so readily do it myself...for free. Hehe

Next up is the carnival ren fest barkers hawking their games. You can shoot arrows into wooden animals, joust, throw axes and sword battle each other or some costumed dude. Here is Frodo and Chewie participating in the "Knockout Knights". The concept is easy enough, each "Knight" pays $2 to sit upon a piece of wood horse. They then attempt to knock their opponent off their horse while hitting them with a burlap sack full of hay. I won't mention that there was a dog peeing in the hay...but hey anyways. It looked like fun and best of three jousts wins. For Frodo and Chewie, Frodo won but Chewie scored a nice hit in the last round that sent Frodo to the ground and the commoners went wild with glee.


You can tell by the looks on everyone's face, we all had a good time. It was a gloriously beautiful day and I won't mention the fire behind MOSI that threatened to ruin the day. So if you go, bring plenty of cash and sunscreen, as Buttercup got sunburned, wear tennis shoes and save the dowel-rod buying for your local Lowe's.





~ame

on Tuesday, March 17, 2009 1 comments

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Sunday, March 15, 2009

Growing old gracefully

There are things in life that are more sacred to a woman than anything else and that a man just can not comprehend. No matter how hard he may try, he just can’t wrap his head around it. And honestly, neither can I. You may be wondering right now what on earth I am talking about: the Mary Kay party. Love them or loathe them but by goodness do not leave the house without a freshly spackled face.

Notice how your man doesn’t go to other men’s grooming parties, there is a reason for it…because it just ain’t natural. Yes I said ‘ain’t’. Which means I am throwing down some southern on you good blog readers, which in turn means this is a subject near to my heart. Rockin' Rob has never invited Tobey over for a candle party or pedicure party, this kind of bonding is saved for us women. Lucky us.

So a while back Letha, with whom I work, starts selling Mary Kay. I love me some good ole Mary Kay and get invited to one of her training parties. I was excited up until the point that I got to the big pink building filled with other Mary Kay lovers, sellers and folks who were just vying for a free lipstick sample. I had no idea what I was in for.

First things first: they tell us to take our make-up off. Off? Off! Um, I don't do off. Now my boss is sitting a few seats down from me and while I love and respect her, um, I don’t want to see her au natural, if you know what I mean, and I am pretty sure she has no interest in seeing me in the buff-face either. But we are forced to defrock our faces all in good fun….and in the hopes of a free sample and to make Letha look good because she had so many folks show up.

Don’t let me put on airs here, when I am off work I usually don’t wear make-up. I figure the family can suffer through, but going out or at work, that is a different story all together. But I digress…we are buck-face-naked and then one of the Mary Kay commandants directors comes by and takes our picture for the ‘before/after’ segment. Well, no one said anything about being face-nekkid, let alone pictures! In the name of all things holy I don’t have to tell you the horror that ensued afterwards. We were all eager to buy as much Mary Kay as possible at that point. And quickly.


Now off to the side of where all the victims were seated are all the newbie Mary Kay agents, all fresh-faced and eager to learn how to apply eye shadow and suggestive sell mascara. Yeah I want to be without make-up in a roomful of very make-upped women. On the table in front of us victims was a cute pink luncheon tray filled with various products and we were then instructed on how to use each one.

First up, Mary Kay wrinkle reducing cream, or as I like to call it: Crack and Crevice cream. I had not listened to the instructions and did not apply the cream. One of the commandants came over and I explained to her that I didn’t have any cracks or crevices on my face. She then got real close and examined me and said, “Oh girlfriend, you so need this cream, right here (pointing) and here (pointing) and see this groove over here (pointing still). So I was forced to apply this miracle cure and then I was made an example of (which is supposed to be an honor) and had to stand in front of the newbie agents and Vanna White the two sides of my face: one with cracks and one without. Oh the glorious miracle of Mary Kay and everyone ohhh’d and ahhh’d! By the way, Simba and Barbie were sitting next to me and no one demanded they use the crack and crevise cream. Just sayin’.

Honestly, I don’t think my self esteem has ever fully recovered. And I don’t know what was up with the little hand held mirrors they had. I swear most cancer-researching scientists don’t have the magnifying capabilities those mirrors held. My pores had pores.

The night rolled on, we finally got to finish putting our faces back on. Lipsticks were won. Orders were placed. Mine included. And when the order finally arrived and Letha brought it to my desk….I received a free gift with purchase...in a pretty pink gift bag…boy, was I excited….what was it? …wait for it now….

Mary Kay cellulite cream. First I get told I have a face like the Mohave Desert and now I, not so subtly I might add, get told I have cellulite. Which I eat, so of course I have cellulite. Poor Letha didn’t know what to do because I was taking the ‘gift’ so personally and it had nothing to do with the fact that I am a fluffy gal, even the skinny gals got the cellulite cream. But that wasn’t the point! My cellulite has never seen the light of day and I was offended that someone would even think I had cellulite….yeah I know, I am covered in the stuff but that ain’t the point.

So I get home and what do I do with it…. I gave it to Simba because at the 120 pounds she weighs…she has got some major heiney cellulite. Oh, don’t go and judge me for saying that about my daughter, she readily admits it and I think she used the whole tube up!
P.S. That poster up above is a little something I threw together for Letha to submit to Mary Kay as a new ad campaign. You can see me and my boss in the ad. I still say I don't need that crevise cream, even if my skin is green!

~ame



on Sunday, March 15, 2009 0 comments

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Wednesday, March 4, 2009

What would you do for a free donut?

I mentioned in a post below about Nappy and the fire hydrant and in honor of the late great Paul Harvey: here is the 'rest of the story."

A few years ago we ventured to the mall, we also needed to go to Wally World and Krispy Kreme donuts. As we left the mall, on the way to the car, Nappy cut through one of the flower beds in the parking lot that contained a fire hydrant. A leaking fire hydrant. He took a few steps and then sank up to his knee in the mud. He was stuck in the muck and we managed to pull him out. Toby was already down the parking lot to the car and hadn't noticed us retrieving Nappy from the mall tar pits. So we get Nappy out and he lost his flip flop in the mud and at that we were all hysterically laughing about it.

But we can't have that, he had to have a shoe - we had other places to go. Toby finally shows back up and we are laughing feeling like we were on candid camera because we saw mall security in their golf cart but they had the sense to steer clear of us. So Nappy is covered in mud and shoeless. How does one get a shoe unburied from 2 feet of mud? This is sheer ingenuity folks....we had nothing else to use....but....we did have our YMCA bag in the trunk of the car. Toby managed to retrieve the shoe via the jaws of life: a raquetball racket. Granted he strained more mud then he moved but in the end the shoe came out and the evening was saved. Sort of.

We load up in the car and head for Wally World. At this point in our lives, with the kids mostly grown, I don't carry kid cleaning products in the car. Usually I have a wad of fast food napkins in the glove box but this night there were just a few. Poor Nappy had to clean himself with....Armor All wipes. Which by the by don't work on muddy kid legs, who knew.

When we arrived at Wally World Nappy decided to stay in the car and I didn't have a problem with that considering the trauma he had just suffered. But we still had one more stop to make: Krispy Kreme, the now defunct Krispy Kreme that is. They used to run a special for the kids to inspire them to get good grades. For every "A" on your report card you would get one free donut, additionally they always gave the kids a free donut just for coming in.

With 5 kids, who get pretty good grades, I knew we were getting 2 1/2 dozens of donuts. Free. I was not about to let a little mud get in the way of that. Poor Nappy didn't want to go in at all and me being the loving mother I am...insisted he did. Did I mention the donuts were free? I know, I am a bad Mom and Nappy will spend most of his adult life in therapy or on Oprah lamenting my parenting skills. But they were free...

Now fast forward to President's Day 2007. The twin boys, Simba, Toby and I went camping. It was a rare weekend my back wasn't too bad and we went exploring in the surrounding woods. Did I mention it had rained the night before, heavily. So there we were blazing a trail, dodging puddles, climbing over huge downed trees....and guess what? Nappy steps in a puddle and loses his shoe again. I can't find the pictures we took of it, a blow by blow photo essay if you will. And again we were all laughing to the point of tears. Yes, I can see years of therapy in that boy's future.

On a more serious note, Nappy, like Frodo, is in Drama at the high school. He started this week rehearsing for the spring musical and will be in almost every scene. He did such a great job in the winter musical and I am really looking forward to seeing this production. Needless to say: I am so proud of him!



~ame

on Wednesday, March 04, 2009 2 comments

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Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Burgers and Fish and Deer Autopsies, oh my!

I volunteered to work a few minutes extra today and with the brain-drain I am going through learning my new position I decided for us to go out to dinner. We met up with Toby at Smokey Bones at Clearwater Mall. The last few times we have gone it was nowhere near as good as it used to be as Mom loved to go there and get their fish platter.

There was over a 30-minute wait and when we finally get seated it took forever for a waitress to take our order. We waited another 30 minutes for our appetizer to arrive and the wait was so bad we were sampling their BBQ sauces to stave off hunger and when our appetizer did arrive we didn’t have any silverware. The iced tea was watery and not tea-like at all and had to be re-ordered. And my pet peeve: a table seated after us was served before us.

Now Smokey Bones is a rustic lodge style restaurant, very warm and cozy. They have big screen TVs throughout with a speaker box on the table if you care to listen in to what is playing on the screens. I had looked up and saw a deer on the screen. But not just any deer, not Bambi but a dead deer being taxidermified. Yeah I know that isn’t a word but I combined taxidermy and mortified but I digress. The taxidermist was digging some scalpel-like tool into the deer’s eyeball. About that time our waitress arrived with our silverware and I asked her if they get a lot of requests for the ‘deer autopsy’ channel. She stated they usually had a family show on or comedy. Yeah, um, right. I am sure if you lived in the woods, a la the unibomber, that channel would be considered ‘family’ or ‘comedy’ but for us it was just gross.

One would have thought our waitress would have changed the channel; we were eating after all or maybe notify her manager. But no, we endured the eyeball scraping and nose poking through out our entire meal. Apparently it was tuned to the Sportsman Channel and we got all these great ads for skullcrafters.com and deerantlers.com. Yum eh? I was fully expecting to see them change one of the channels over to the surgery channel and our evening would have been complete.

Needless to say – we won’t be going back.

~ame

on Tuesday, March 03, 2009 4 comments

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Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Sears


Oh, how I love our refrigerator. We bought it almost two years ago from Sears and also bought the extended 5 year warranty. The additional warranty allows Sears to come to the house once a year and do a cleaning and tune-up and will fix anything that is going wrong.

I noticed that the seal on both of the French doors was ripped at the top where the doors meet. So I called Sears last Friday and they were great and said someone would be out on Monday between 12-5. Perfect.

Only Monday comes and goes and no Sears dude. I called them at 5:30 and they said he was running behind and would I like him to call before he comes. Sure.

Fifteen minutes later the repair center calls and says that he won't be able to make it. Would I like to reschedule? Duh, considering we dropped an additional $400 for this extra warranty plan I would think so. The next available service date was for today and I chose 8-12 assuming that if they were running late, they could get us in the afternoon.

Noon comes and goes and at 12:30 Ohtobe calls them and guess what? Give up? They are running late again and they could fit us in but it would be after 5. At 4:30 I called to verify they were still coming and they said they would have the technician call us before he was to arrive. He calls at 5:50 and arrives at 6:10. And stayed 10 minutes and did nothing. Nothing!

Now when I called originally and I asked for my tune up I explained to them the seal was gone. The service rep said they would be sure the technician would have the part on the truck when he came. Well he didn't. And he didn't do the tune-up since he has to come back to install the seal. He'll be back next Wednesday. Sure he will.

Besides the obvious things that went wrong what really drove me crazy was having to call into the service center. They have a cutesy number 1-800-4-my-home and once you dial in and enter in your phone number you get their automated voice rep. I hate those things and usually refuse to follow their prompts and keep saying 'human' until I get a human being. But not with Sears, oh no. The 'conversations' went like this:

Sears: If you would like service, say service. If you would like parts, say parts. If you would like a lobotomy, say lobotomy.

Mrs. O: Representative. (Because I want a human)

Sears: Oh, ok, I didn't understand you. If you would like service, say service. Etc.

Oh, ok? Oh? Ok? Is that supposed to make me feel like I am actually speaking to someone who 1. cares or 2. can help me? Oh, no. So after calling the repair center to complain and being transferred to the warranty department to complain and being told they would expedite my complaint to customer service, they end the call thanking me for shopping with Sears and tell me how important I am to them.

Oh, ok. Really?

Next time I'm going to APSCO.



~ame

on Wednesday, February 18, 2009 1 comments

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Monday, February 9, 2009

Plumbers and squatters and bad taste oh my!

All the boys got gift cards and moolah for their birthdays, which means: a trip to the mall! Yay, right? Things were going along fine until this:







Since when did plumber’s apparel become mainstream? This wasn’t at a uniform shop, oh no, this was at Simba’s favorite store Forever 21. Forever Plunger Butt is more like it. For years, as a parent, I have harped for the spawn to either pull their pants up or pull their shirts down. I am not a fan of the skin belt or the plumber’s crack. Am I wrong? I didn’t think so until I saw that mannequin in their window. Can you imagine all the young folks looking at that mannequin saying, “Come on Tiffany, you would look, like, so hot, with your crack hangin’ out in those jeans.” Notice how the manny next to crack manny is turned away with her arms thrown in the air in disgust. She must be the mommy manny and that manny has given up ya'll. Just totally given up and who can blame her.


I was so taken aback by the crack manny that I failed to notice this until Buttercup pointed it out:








It might be hard to see but that manny's panties are showing. Panties. Showing. Didn't that manny's mommy tell her to sit squat like a lady? In the name of all things named Britney Spears is it really necessary to see manny panties if you arent shopping at Victoria's Secret? And if you are contemplating actually purchasing that skirt: don't. If you find yourself with a need to squat and your drawers are gonna show it is pretty simple: you don't squat or wear something that actually covers ya up! I can understand that Forever 21 may sell drawers but really...is this the only marketing idea they could come up with?



As a parent it is my job to raise my children to be intelligent and responsible adults. I like to think I am raising the next generation of Condi Rice's or Hillary Clinton's. I don't think those mannies are ever gonna rise to any occassion higher than asking if you want fries with that order. So come on Forever 21 already, put a nice poly pant suit on your mannies and call it a day!



~ame

on Monday, February 09, 2009 0 comments

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Sunday, January 25, 2009

Man shoppers

Today I am going to discuss something near and dear to my heart…man shoppers. Men, ya gotta love ‘em, but while shopping…notsomuch. I am writing this post because hubs commented in my last post about my views on man shoppers. And note the wording is “man shoppers” not men shopping, or guys shopping. It is: Man. Shoppers. Man shoppers. Usually said with scorn or distain with complete emphasis on the “man” in the phrase “man shoppers.”

Just a little background: yes, I have attended several mandatory diversity classes through work. Never once did they discuss man shoppers. I think they should for it is a topic I could definitely use a little diversity on. Now the term man shoppers evolved from one of our many trips to the super Wally world and being targeted by these testosterone-powered shoppers. Men. Hmpf. Truly, there should be special days for man shoppers. How about Tuesdays at 3 a.m.?

There are several things man shoppers do that drive me insane. For starters, you man shoppers out there: make a list! Follow the list. Get out as soon as possible so as not to be in my way. Also learn to drive a shopping cart correctly. Men, we don’t live in England. Drive to the right of the aisle please. It is a simple unwritten shopping rule. You drive your car on the right side of the road, please do so when you “drive” your shopping cart. Also, stay with your cart. Man shoppers are notorious for driving down the middle of the aisle, parking and then leaving their cart whilst they go in search of whatever product they think they need. So we have a cart in the middle of the aisle blocking my quick dart over to the wonder bread and then we have a clueless man shopper walking the aisle aimlessly looking for something wifey told him to get, which he can’t remember now. When I can finally maneuver around his cart, I find him standing right where I need to be. Looking clueless, like he didn’t know they sold sliced bread in stores.

As a woman shopper you can try the “excuse me” technique but it rarely works. IF the man shopper does realize he is a boil on the butt of all things holy in the shopping world, he will always move his cart up and out of your original way and park it exactly where you need to be. For the record, the correct technique is to stay with your cart boys! Push it along, pick things up, push it along, pick things up…you get the picture. If you are parked on the right side of the aisle and you need a product on the left side, then while you are standing behind your cart scope out what you need in advance. Then and only then quickly dart to the left and retrieve your item and return to your cart. Remember, I said quickly!

Things become more treacherous once the man shopper reaches the check out lane. This past Christmas we had a man shopper in front of us who did not know how to use the credit card machine at the check out. I am not kidding you. I just stood there and mumbled loudly, “man shopper.” Men, carry cash with you. This will uncomplicate the whole checking-out procedure, there will be no difficult swiping maneuvers required of you. The hardest thing you will need to do is fish your wallet out from your worn out back pocket. Those little green pieces of paper in there are monies, each has a big number in the corner. Simply grab a few out and add up the numbers on the corner until is matches or exceeds the amount on the cash register display. Hand money to cashier. Do not wait for change, tell cashier you want to buy a few castles for Jerry’s kids and get out of my way the store.

Finally ladies, never and I mean never, ever go shopping with your father. Fathers are dad shoppers and they are the worst of all man shoppers. If you see a dad shopper, steer clear of the aisle they are on. You can always swing back around to that aisle once the dad shopper is gone. Dad shoppers take cluelessness to a new level. Last time I shopped with my Dad he could not get over the price of bread. Seriously. Then you have the whole discussion on prices of bread when he was a child and how he walked uphill both ways in a snowstorm to get said bread. Dad shoppers never follow the rules of staying by the cart and wander aimlessly in the aisle. And then it happens…you need to move forward down the aisle. Dad approaches and says, “you don’t want to go down that way.” Then it hits you…literally hits you…what on earth did that man have for lunch?! When he begins to giggle like a school boy this is your chance to make a break for it. Ok, back the cart up now and fast. Retreat, retreat. At this point the safest place in the store is the feminine products aisle. If you stay on this aisle long enough, dad and man shoppers will eventually find you and stand at the beginning of the aisle. Man/dad shoppers never, ever come down this aisle. It is the shopping equivalent of kryptonite. Ignore your man shoppers and they will eventually tell you they will meet you at the car. Victory has been achieved at this point and you can smile knowing you just alleviated the store of one less man shopper.
Postscript:
Ohtobe read this post and states that I should be apologizing to all the man shoppers I have encountered per my last post comments. Um yeah, no. I suppose the Christian thing to do would be to aplogize however my twisting interpretation of the scriptures would be to apologize and embrace the change the man shoppers would make on future shopping excursions. Since we all know that you can't change a man, let alone a man shopper...I think no apology is necessary.
~ame

on Sunday, January 25, 2009 3 comments

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